Worth all of her that we might be together

I am a bit surprised at the death of Beni Johnson; not disturbed, as if I had the expectation that she should have been healed, nor bothered by the fact that of the many healings of cancer within this church she was not one of them. No, it’s more of a reflection upon my walk with You: how does this event fit within my current understanding and wisdom concerning disease and death?

As I view my creative efforts to those of Beni, even though I know this is an improper comparison, I am a bit struck that I may not have the wisdom in my walk I think I do – that of living a life to its fullness of purpose and then to be taken on my terms. My desire is to be as Enoch – live, then to be no more, my living to be disease free. I search for the victory, believing the longer I have this walk with You now the closer I will get to the wisdom of overcoming, and what it means.

For desire to have its creative power manifested is my purpose – to see my life unfold within the realm of possibility, to rejoice when events occur that do not bring joy in themselves but reveal who I am within You. In that sense cancer is a neutral event within the walk – with the possibility of revealing a greater depth of You if allowed to do so.

I know you are unsettled by her death – why take someone with a great understanding of My ways in healing, in prayer, in life, only to seemingly be gone too soon? Would it not have been better for her to walk in the victory of overcoming disease, to be a greater witness of My power in overcoming all things, a more proper way to grow the church, with miracles and great life victories? If not her then who?

These thoughts have always been just under the surface of your understanding. You seek for a statement of belief concerning healing, how it should be for all with this wisdom gained in a walk with Me. Yet, you also know, that your understanding is always growing, gaining measure, with a settled heart that follows. You seek for a walk with Me without pain, or suffering, or sorrow, yet know in your heart that is not to be in this world; but you fight for this way and have your entire life.

Yet you also know that it is in those times – of suffering, of sadness – that hope of this victory is not lost, but remains, only because we are together. I would not have you disappointed in Me but would wish you to see Me as the One who has overcome all things, that the victory you will have through all you would endure is to be with Me for all eternity, to walk within My presence as you have always desired, to come to know the kingdom that awaits you; the one we will explore together. Sickness is overcome, disease is overcome, death is overcome for the kingdom is your inheritance, as am I. See this and then ask where is the victory.

To return to your question to why I would not just heal Beni, to prevent the pain and suffering for her and her family over the four years of her struggle for cure: there are places within Me, revealed within the moment, that are only discovered during pain and suffering – the deeper places of understanding and wisdom that come only from allowing the seemingly negative things occur within a life that would allow the greater to be revealed. You live in a linear timeline, of past and future, and measure your thoughts of now within that timeframe; I live in the place where all time is now. Is suffering eternal? Or is it a moment then gone, only to have revealed the depth of My heart within the moment for the one I love deeply and would give all that they might have all? Would a moment such as this be too great a sacrifice to attain this place? It is difficult for you to measure for you do not have the revelation of this place yet, and so cannot give a true answer.

There are many choices Beni had within her journey, all of them culminating within the one to be with Me. Would she have left this path as it was being revealed to her day by day with Me for a different one through the healing of her body? Only we together know the answer.

It is for you to discover the path you would wish to walk; I will not force you to choose – for My desire is known to you, that you would always choose Me – regardless of the circumstances that would arise in your life. You are on a path of discovery, one which includes coming to an understanding of sickness, and disease, and even death. This you have desired, and this is now being revealed to you as we move together day to day. It will not be a singular, enlightened answer you search for, but a deep wisdom of Me that will be given to you as we continue on our journey together.

Realize now that her life has raised a beacon of wisdom for you to seek, that it has been her walk that has brought you here within yours. I will not be elusive with My answers to your heart desire for understanding but will reveal all as we move ahead. For now understand that it has been her suffering that has brought us here; and that she will have said, in this one instance, that it was worth all of her that we might be together.

We are one in this discovery – how many more have come to this place also because of her sacrifice of endurance?