As with all desires within you there is the journey

I am not bothered by the thoughts I have in discovering the truth of ministry to others. It is difficult to put into words what I am sensing within regarding Your will for humanity: I always seem to see Your willingness to heal all, to provide miraculously through compassion to the great needs of mankind, the Great Commission repeated many times under many circumstances – first to a few and then to all. In the fullness of these words I see heal the sick, raise the dead, offer salvation to all. I confess that what little I see of the power of the church seems to be ever more diminishing – this lack of the miraculous that defined Your ministry. But then, it’s just my perspective, and I allow that I might be wrong.

All this conjecture on my part does do one thing for me however: it affirms my path forward to be one of observation of the signs that follow my desires – that I would allow You to lead in any way You choose to bring about the thoughts of my heart. If the story of Lesser James is true in fact (miraculous healing of others yet no healing for himself), or even in allegory, it provides some proof to me that the desire for healing is not remiss but that the results desired are to be left to You, to be revealed along the journey in seeing the desire fulfilled. As with all desires I have a definitive objective, but the desired outcome needs to be left to You in its execution. This understanding even captures the desire to see others healed though I may not be healed. I see no contradiction.

It is true that in your experience you have not seen the power of the kingdom displayed as you would have wished it to be within your understanding – the power is there in its fullness, for I am there in My fullness. It is the Elijah story of a small perspective when the whole cannot be seen. You have allowed yourself this possible awareness, yet it still troubles you – you always wish to see more. That is good, for it is indeed a great desire within you.

As with all of your desires there is My response to their fulfillment: you are allowing Me to lead you forward into seeing your desires be manifested in a way that your heart might be settled with what you believe the kingdom to be in the display of the miraculous, and you have given yourself the grace to understand that what you are currently seeing may not be true – that is growth in the revelation of wisdom.

I am not remiss in moving within power to see our kingdom advance and would welcome your desire to see more, for there is always more to be revealed. As with all desires within you there is the journey, there is the understanding, and there is the revelation of wisdom to move within; that is the power within you – it is not just the miraculous you would see displayed within the church, but it is the miraculous within you, the wholeness of heart, the wisdom of truth revealed, the knowledge of Me, that are the true miracles we would see.

Is not a whole heart much better than a whole body? Yet I too would see both, but would move first for the former, though sometimes the latter is needed to reach the heart. Always remember that it is not the miraculous that should be sought, at least in the way you would want to see, but seek the change in heart, even as you have sought for yours. In that you will see My church has blossomed and thrived, that it is not powerless in those who truly believe, and that it remains a bright beacon for those who are distressed in life, broken in spirit and body, alone and frightened – that in this time of great turmoil it still offers the wholeness, and hope, and joy – and yes, the miraculous – to those who would seek Me. Has not our journey together over these many years done the same for you?